


Oz Goes on a Joy Ride

by Sasusquatch



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Crack, Gen, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4825820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasusquatch/pseuds/Sasusquatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU where Gilbert just wants to take a nap and Oz decides that learning to drive would be a good way to pass the time.  Oneshot.</p>
<p>Alternatively titled: Why Do Bad Things Happen to Gilbert Nightray</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oz Goes on a Joy Ride

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm surprised I haven't written anything for Pandora Hearts yet since it's my absolute favorite anime/manga series. I wrote this in my Anthropology class while I was bored out of my mind. It's a little cracky but I found it amusing! Enjoy!

            Oz eyed the keys sitting on the wooden countertop.  The metal glinted in the early afternoon sunlight.  Gilbert had gone to take a nap, complaining of a headache and told Oz to behave himself.  He had also sent a glare Alice’s way, but said nothing else.  Naturally, Oz’s mind immediately began scheming.  It didn’t take long for him to notice Gilbert’s car keys sitting completely undefended.  Oz hadn’t gotten the chance to take driving lessons before being thrown into the Abyss, and now here he was, technically 25 years old, having never driven a car.

            It was time to change that.

            “Alice!  Let’s go for a drive!” Oz said enthusiastically, snatching the keys off of the counter.

            “A drive?” Alice asked.

            “Yeah!  I wanna learn to drive, so let’s go!”

            Alice didn’t really need to be convinced, she was bored and watching Oz mess around with a car seemed highly entertaining.  She hopped up from her spot on the couch and followed Oz out the door. 

            Gilbert’s car wasn’t anything fancy: A rundown, black, four-seater with plenty of dings and scratches.  Oz grinned as he unlocked the vehicle and climbed into the driver’s seat.  Alice clambered into the passenger seat as he adjusted his own chair so that he could properly see through the windshield. 

            “Oh?  What’s going on here, hmm?~”

            Oz started and looked in the backseat.  Break sat there for some inexplicable reason, a massive grin plastered on his face.  By this point Oz knew better than to question the logic of the situation.  “Hi, Break!  We’re taking Gil’s car for a drive!”

            “How fun!  But Oz, do you even know how to drive?”

            Oz shook his head.  “Nope!  But it can’t be that hard, right?”

            Break laughed, shoulder shaking.  “No, no, of course not!  Driving is fairly simple, even a toddler could do it.”

            “Then I shouldn’t have any problems at all!”  Oz buckled his seatbelt and put the key in the ignition.  He turned it and the engine started with a satisfying purr.  “Ah, so cool!  I feel like a real grown up!”

            Break watched in amusement as Oz turned dials and messed with the positioning of the mirrors.  Finally, he turned the radio on and flipped through the stations until he found a song he liked.  His grin grew ever wider as he turned the volume up.

            _I’M A BOSS ASS BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH…_

            Alice swung her legs along to the beat, a smirk on her face.  Oz reached up and opened a small compartment in the roof and removed a pair of sunglasses slightly too big for his head; but despite the ill fit he put them on anyway.

            “Now we’re ready to go!”  It took Oz several moments, and a little help from Break, to get the car into reverse.  He jerkily backed out of the driveway, brow scrunched up in effort.  He finally got the car onto the road, and it was time for the real fun to begin.  Oz drove along, weaving back and forth on the side street.  He stuck his tongue out while he tried to concentrate.  Alice reached over and turned the radio up even louder.  “Alice, turn it back down!  I’m trying to concentrate!”

            “I thought you said driving was easy, hmm, Oz?” Break said casually.

            “Maybe he was bluffing to look cool!” Emily rattled.

            “You said a toddler could do it!” Oz argued back.

            “A smart toddler.”

            The argument and blaring music had distracted Oz to the point of taking his eyes off of the road.  It didn’t take long for him to drift off towards the side, and the car collided head on with a lamp post.  Luckily they hadn’t been going too fast, but the impact was just strong enough to deploy the airbags.  The three sat, dazed.  After a few moments, Oz broke the silence. 

            “Aww man… Gil is gonna kill us.”

            ***

            Gilbert’s nap had been interrupted by the sound of the bass coming from outside.  However he didn’t realize that his car was the source of the noise.  After grumbling for a bit he had put a pillow over his head and had gone back to sleep.  He had only been asleep for a few more minutes when he was awoken once again by the sound of the crash.  He decided that he might as well check to see if anyone had been injured.  The young man made his way outside and froze when he realized his car was missing.  It didn’t take long for him to put two and two together.

            “Oz, I swear to God-“  Gilbertran down the street, swears falling steadily from his lips.  He had only run a block by the time he found his car.  The trio got out of the vehicle, not noticing Gilbert.

            “Good job, Oz!  You crashed the car!” Alice said enthusiastically.  “Let’s do it again!”

            Gilbert silently put his head in his hands.  _What on Earth did I do to deserve this?_   


End file.
